The Year in Review: Giving It All I've Got

The great thing about being a “wanna-be” writer and sporadic online blogging whiner is that you set your own rules. You set your own deadlines. You set your own hours. And you are obviously writing for yourself because who on earth wants to read this drivel anyway? (Hint: no one, not even you.)

An entire season, including two solstices for those who are counting, has passed since I’ve updated my blog. You probably thought it was safe to surf the internet again but I’m back! There is no good reason for my recent blog sabbatical other than the rather lame excuse that giving it all I had started to take up an awful lot of my waking time and energy, and the time I might have spent writing in my blog was earmarked for sleeping. But I’m awake now, and as we count down the final days of 2015, I find myself in an oddly contemplative mood and now seems as apt a time as any to reflect on how that whole, “give up, give in, or give it all I’ve got” thing went.

I tried. I really did. I tried awfully hard to stop should-ing all over myself. Some days were more successful than others and old habits die hard, and as it turns out, I am a compulsive list-maker. (Who knew?) If shoulding all over yourself was an Olympic sport, I would be an uncontested, repeat gold medalist – but even this old dog was able to learn a new trick or two in 2015.

The Year in Review

Give Up - Of my anthem’s three options, giving up is one of the wiliest. It teams up with “give in” and all of a sudden, you convince yourself that it’s okay to quit this thing that you’ve always wanted for yourself. That’s not quite the spirit that this anthem intended. Those days I canceled on Big Bad Trainer Aaron’s workouts because I was too tired/sore/busy and then put a gold star on the “give up” board? Wrong! I caught myself giving up on things I shouldn’t, like missing a workout or a date with an old friend because I was “busy” with something else. I’ve learned to be mindful of my moods and my innate desire to throw in the towel and curl up on my bed. When I want to give up, I pause. Do I really want to give up? Or do I just not want to do this thing right now? There’s a difference. And being aware of it has kept me in the game.

I have managed to give up a few things I’m proud of this year, though, including:

• Biting my fingernails! Sure, I might pick at a rough cuticle every now and again but my fingernails are no longer considered a low calorie snack food. I’ve discovered the joy of the shellac manicure. It dries in seconds and the polish doesn’t chip or crack so I can rock nails in a variety of bold and zesty colors.
• Cleaning my house! Okay, not really. But after my husband started bringing home a paycheck and we rebalanced the household budget, I discovered a little extra money that wasn’t there before. Sure, I could save it or use it on manicures (!) but instead, I’ve hired a cleaning service to come in once a month and deep clean the palace. Does it get furry between cleanings? Sometimes. But do I feel guilt and shame about the state of my house’s cleanliness anymore? No, no I do not. And that’s worth the $100 monthly investment in my book.
• Acting like a victim. Life isn’t something that is happening to me. It’s happening all around me – and I can choose to star in the story of my life or let someone else write the script. If I don’t like my hair, I can cut it. If I don’t like my weight, I can exercise and diet. If I don’t like my job or my boss, I can find something else to do. Guess what? I did all of the above this year.
• Whining about paying the bills. I put on my big girl panties, whip out my checkbook, and I pay the bills with only a minimal amount of cursing, mostly under my breath.
• Avoiding the dentist. I’m not sure I can fully count this as a win, since my now regular visits to the dentist have introduced a new specialist into my life, the periodontist. Both of them will be able to retire at a young age based on the amount of disposable income and insurance monies I have devoted to my teeth this year. Dad, take note. Your investment in my pricey orthodontia was not in vain.

Give In – Some might describe me as stubborn. Those who choose such adjectives to describe me may also discover my size 8.5 lodged in their backside, since that is a very unflattering way to describe your princess. I prefer the term tenacious to stubborn, FYI. As a very, very tenacious individual, giving up isn’t something I do well. When and if I do give up, the very act is usually accompanied by shouting and gesturing.

But even a princess knows that compromise is part of life, and when I got out of my own, possibly stubborn, way, I gave in when I needed to:

• Helped my husband write and edit his schoolwork without whining. Trust me – I was going to get roped into helping him one way or another, and it was easier to just do it and shut up about it. I have not, however, given up on my hope that he will learn to respect the house rule of “THERE IS TO BE NO TALKING DURING THE REAL HOUSEWIVES.”
• Acknowledged that I am a woman of a certain age. I shop at J. Jill. I color my hair because I have to, not because I want to. And I’m too old to apply for a job at the FBI or the CIA; I’m too old to donate my unused eggs as a surrogate; and I’m of an age where regular screenings for a variety of types of cancer is part of my yearly routine.
• Re-evaluated my goals in areas where I feel “stuck” to determine whether or not I even want these things anymore.
• Maintained my weight all year. I gained some, I lost some and I’m pretty much exactly where I was a year ago.
• And I surely gave up on some of the stuff I thought all grown-ups do but I didn’t feel like doing – like writing a will and hiring a financial planner. Maybe next year. Maybe never!

Give It All I’ve Got - I didn’t often feel like I was giving it all I’ve got in the moment, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that I managed to do some pretty noteworthy things in 2015, including and in no particular order:

• Celebrated two years of marriage to a pretty cool guy
• Set a goal to achieve my SHRM-SCP certification (it’s an HR thing and it’s as boring as it sounds) and achieved it. I passed the certification exam last week.
• Successfully delivered the change management for a project that touched over 150,000 employees at work – a project that had me shaking in my shoes – and did a pretty good job.
• Took a vacation and went to Italy with my better half
• Appointed as a member of the Golden Valley Human Services Fund Commission where I get to help raise money for charitable organizations that serve Golden Valley residents and their families.
• Helped my father-in-law and husband grow a big pumpkin. It wasn’t a giant this year. But it was fun.
• Religiously logged my food with MyFitnessPal.com. I think I missed logging maybe 10 days all year, and although my weight is the same, this has helped me learn to be a more mindful eater. Now I just need to do something about it!
• Reconnected with old friends, thanks to the miracles of social media. From my 9th grade pen pal from San Francisco (who married the very same boy she dated way back then!) to my high school classmate I hadn’t seen in 20 years to former colleagues . . . it’s great to see what these amazing people are up to.
• Started a book club! As I was packing for a business trip, I tossed a book into my bag and realized that it was one of about 30 books I not only wanted to read, but that I wanted to talk about with other people. So, I invited everyone I knew to join me for pizza and a discussion about Arianna Huffington’s book Thrive. I couldn’t believe that ten amazing women showed up to eat and chat. I asked if they’d come back again for another book and another discussion and they said yes! Thus, “Pizza and the Pursuit of Happiness” was born. It’s a guilt and shame-free book club that meets every other month (or so). We’re currently reading Shawn Achor’s Happiness Advantage for our January 7th book club meeting. (Hit me up if you’d like to learn more).
• Expressing gratitude regularly. I wish I was doing this daily but I’m not quite there yet. I’m using an app called Gratitude Journal and trying to remember to journal/log something every day. I’m a sporadic app user but getting better, and I’m committed to incorporating more gratitude into my daily life.
• Took a leap of faith in my career and am trying something new. I’m only four weeks in so check back later for more. This counts because I saw something and I went after it. I wasn’t the obvious choice, it wasn’t a slam-dunk, but I gave it my all and voila!

Here’s what I didn’t do in 2015:

• Set any resolutions
• Lose 10 pounds
• Run a 5k
• Learn to cook
• Save more money
• Beat myself up for not doing any of the above-mentioned items!

Giving up on resolutions – and a solid attempt at not shoulding all over myself – were among the better decisions I made in 2015. Resolutions are so 2014. In the meantime, if anyone is looking for me, I’ll be over here, giving it all I’ve got.

Happy New Year!