When I decided to give it all I've got, I wasn't actually referring to completing the transformation to total psychopath. Unfortunately, in my current, "go big or go home" world, half-assing it is not allowed. If I'm going to be an ass, I'm going to be a whole giant one. And believe you me when I assure you, the ass is in!
I'm used to being the mayor of Crankytown. It's a role I'm comfortable with and I enjoy ruling my kingdom with an iron and cranky fist. I'm not used to channeling Cher songs whereby my "words are like weapons, they wound sometimes." I don't know what happened on Friday night, unless it was a unique combination of Neptune rising, workplace stress, wine, and premenstrual syndrome. All I know is one minute, we were having a lovely conversation on the couch and the next minute, I was threatening to ram a screwdriver through my husband's ear, and at one point, I believe I shouted, "If you don't get in here and watch television with me right now, I'll divorce you!" Who does that? Hint: I do. And it's not my proudest moment.
In addition to giving my all to becoming a complete and total ass – a feat which took up a surprising amount of my time and energy because it's not like being that horrible came naturally to me, no matter what you may have heard – I also spent some time giving all I've got to other areas of my life. For those keeping score, here's the latest tally:
Give Up: According to my husband, I gave up good manners and took rage to new levels over the past few weeks. I can't argue his point – I've been itching to pick fights with anyone and everyone. Note to those in the service industry: this never ends well for you. Letters were written and mailed to restaurant general managers who wronged me; online surveys indicated my displeasure with the enthusiasm in the greeting I received upon entering your establishment; and cashiers who failed "Bagging 101" class were loudly reprimanded for doing it wrong. Attention, bagging personnel: you do not need to put items that have built-in handles into a bag. If I can't carry the milk jug by its handle, the flimsy bag (paper or plastic, it matters not) is not going to solve the riddle for me. You should also avoid placing all the heaviest items together in one bag, leaving me with one bag weighing more than a bowling ball and another one that feels like it contains feathers. And for the love of all that is holy, you are making the Baby Jesus cry when you put cleaning supplies in the same bag with perishables. Get it together, people! I'm half-blind, lack depth perception, am spatially challenged and even I can bag correctly. If you're not sure if you're doing it wrong, you probably are. But check out this handy guide to correctly bagging groceries and perform your own self-assessment.
There is a follow-up rant in my future where I'll discuss my extreme displeasure with the way cashiers provide your change on a cash transaction - so you have something to look forward to.
Give In: In 2007, I purchased my first hybrid car, a 2008 Honda Civic hybrid. While it doesn't have any bells or whistles – it has doors, windows, and a horn, thank you very much – it does get about 37 mpg and more importantly, I haven't had a car payment since 2010. In fact, my Honda is one of the very few items from my "old life" that I've carried over into my new (happily married) life. I've had that car longer than I've known my husband. It's been stuck in snowbanks; it has crashed into inanimate objects; and there was one instance where it drove up onto someone's lawn. It's been crashed, smashed, and it bears the scars. It also has a furry pink steering wheel cover (yay) and just under 110k miles on the odometer. While I can't park it to save my life, this car has served me well. I'll say it: it's the most reliable car I've ever owned.
And . . . it's time to let it go. Minnesota winters are hard on cars, and rust is starting to eat away at my beloved vehicle. The self-inflected dents and dings I was too cheap to repair look like rust-colored bruises. I am giving up on my car and giving up on my debt-free living, and I bought a new car. Not only did I buy it, I drove it home tonight! My new ride has bells and whistles that are probably way too complicated for a Luddite like me to figure out – but it's cute, it's a turbo diesel, and more importantly, my little Honda has found a grateful new owner. Take good care of her, Ted.
Giving It All I've Got: At the risk of sounding like president of my own fan club, I've been giving it all I've got all over the place. Here are the headlines:
- I raised my hand in my community and expressed interest in serving on the human services committee. I interviewed with the city council last week and although they didn't "hire" me on the spot for this volunteer role, when I inquired, "What are you looking for in a new committee member," the answer was, "Someone exactly like you!" I took that as a positive sign, since I fit that description pretty well, and I look forward to giving back to my city and its residents in this way.
- 56 day streak on MyFitnessPal!
- Lost 0.9 lbs. since my last weigh-in on MyFitnessPal, making me 3 lbs. heavier than when I signed up for MyFitnessPal in the first place several years ago. It's progress – I'll take it! In all seriousness, my experience with food logging shows that, once you make a habit of it, it will help you eat mindfully and you will be able to s-l-o-w-l-y return to your fighting weight.
- Although my nail polish is chipping, my fingernails look pretty damn good. Not one person has inquired as to whether or not termites have been chewing on my digits, which is another positive sign. I haven't picked or chewed a fingernail or cuticle in almost 60 days.
- I finished my stupid work paper, turned it in, presented it, and survived! I re-read the paper this morning and was pleasantly surprised at how smart it sounded, and this afternoon, I got some feedback from a bunch of very important people at work, all of whom agreed that it was written well. As an aspiring author, it was nice to hear that I may have a talent for storytelling.
- I even had a performance review that didn't suck!
- Two weeks shy of finishing my Thrive Eight Week Experience and while I'm not going to be peddling this stuff myself anytime soon, since taking the supplements, I have felt zestier and more energetic than normal. I almost never want to lay under my desk and nap midday anymore. I will likely continue taking Thrive after the eight weeks are up. I haven't missed a day yet.
- Missed a workout with Big Bad Trainer, but made up for it with a self-induced cardio butt-kicking. And I'm back in the strength-training saddle starting tomorrow.
- Did I mention what an asshole I've been lately?
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© 2015 Princess D
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