Progress, Not Perfection

I think today is the 108^th day of 2015. (It might be the 107^th or the 109^th. I lack the requisite number of fingers and toes to do this kind of math without error.) Spring is finally here; the sunset is now in the 8 PM hour, giving us precious daylight that all but vampires have been craving since Thanksgiving; and New Year's resolutions are as far from most of our minds as friendship bracelets, jelly shoes, and Rubik's cubes. Simply put, those New Year's resolutions you made with all the best of intentions about 108 days ago are ancient history. The interwebs disagree about what percentage of us actually keep our resolutions – some believe the number to be as low as 8% - but everyone seems to agree that resolutions fail more often than not.

Whether or not resolutions are doomed to fail depends on your point of view, and I would argue that no attempts at self-improvement should be painted with such a negative brush. My personal track record reflects a reality many experience – we're great at making resolutions but we falter in the execution. Every January, I'd create a list that rivaled Martin Luther's 95 theses in aspiration and scope. (Note – I'm not intending to be sacrilegious so if this offends you, simply pray for my salvation. Don't email me threatening hell and Old Testament justice. Please and thanks.) Once I'd committed my list of resolutions to paper, I'd begin shoulding on myself – and every time I failed to achieve one of the unattainable goals I'd set for myself, the cycle of shame began. Perhaps you're familiar with this tune? It goes a little something like this:

Voice in my head: "You should go to the gym and exercise. You should. You should do it every single day." Of course, the voice in my head is a great talker but a shitty listener – and is so busy shoulding on me and shaming me that it doesn't recognize all the other competing voices, telling me I should go to work and not get fired; I should pay the bills; I should walk the dog; I should shovel the snow; etc. And, after I spend an entire day trying to stay one step ahead of all the shoulds, I run out of time or energy to go to the gym and exercise. Cue the second verse – a little bit louder and a whole lot worse than the first – when the voice in my head starts in with: "You SHOULD have gone to the gym. Why didn't you? You must the fattest, laziest, stupidest person on the planet. Could you be more selfish and disgusting? How hard is it to go exercise? Other people do it all the time. What is wrong with you? Epic fail. EPIC. FAIL."

By 2015, I was tired of hearing that same old tune, and I decided to change the channel. Instead of shoulding all over myself, I'd eschew resolutions and I'd try a new tactic. I adopted an anthem and started an experiment. What might happen if I decided to focus on creating my best life instead of spending my time trying to fix my "broken" parts? What if I stopped shoulding on myself and starting "coulding" instead? Would I sing a different tune or would I fall back in to the same pattern?

My anthem is pretty simple – but it's more than just a pretty slogan that someone crafty might embroider onto a pillow. It's a mental model and it's become the framework I use to make decisions in my own life. Do I have a perfect track record? Of course not. But what I've learned is that if you focus on progress instead of perfection, you'll exceed your own expectations.
Speaking of progress, here's the latest report from the field:

Give Up: After an estimated 108 days, I've given up on all the easy stuff and it's harder and harder to identify areas where "give up" is the right response for me. After I gave up on the idea that perfection was my goal and after I gave up shoulding all over myself, everything else pales in comparison. I still suffer from negative self-talk and I still should on myself more often than not – so the challenge is not to give up in more areas of my life but rather, to stay the course on the big things I decided to give up when I embraced this anthem.

Give In: I know a lot of people whose vision of the good life includes a big, beautiful home; the right luxury automobile; a closet full of designer clothes; and lots of blingy accessories made by Rolex and Tiffany and Cartier. As Sheryl Crow says, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" so I don't judge. But I'm different. I don't want a big house that I can't live in. I like having dog and cat hair all over everything and I like that my house feels lived in. Yes, I do have a cat condo in my living room – and I'm not ashamed. (I don't love the floor to ceiling mirror situation that makes our living room look like a 1970's porn set, but it's not annoying enough to take action against.) I don't want a car so fancy I can't figure out how to drive it or that cost me so much money that I'm terrified of scratching it. I'm a terrible driver. I will smash it. I don't understand the point of jewelry – it gets in the way and it doesn't cover your kibbles and bits.

It's easy to look around at other people and think, "if they want this, shouldn't I?" Sometimes, when I visit my friends' or colleagues homes, I feel like an imposter and I wonder if I should get my ass to Ethan Allen immediately to remedy the situation. But I've given up on trying to keep up with the Kardashians, the Joneses, and anyone else. If a pile of dirty laundry threatening to escape the confines of the closet offends you, that's okay. You don't have to live like I do. I display Sesame Street figurines in my dining room. And if you think this is tacky, I don't give a flying fig newton.

Give It All I've Got: One of the things I'm embracing is trying new things – and when I do, I give it my all. I recently had the opportunity to try acupuncture for the first time. I've always been curious about Chinese medicine and when I discovered that a college friend runs an acupuncture clinic, I had to check it out. My college friend, Julie, has always inspired me. I had a" girl crush" on her from the first time I saw her on campus with her sassy blonde bob and her badass black leather jacket. She is effortlessly stylish and unapologetically her own person.

I saw her for the first time in maybe 20 years this week – and she is as sweet, tough, and cool as ever. After catching up on life and giving me a quick tutorial on Chinese medicine, she stabbed me with needles. It was a really powerful experience. After she carefully placed the needles (which did not hurt at all, FYI), she left me to relax for 20 minutes. I felt both relaxed and energized. My limbs tingled and when I left, I felt both euphoric and more calm and peaceful than I can remember. My specific "complaint" was excessive fatigue. One appointment didn't turn me into superwoman, but it I do feel different and I will be back. I'm supposed to be taking some Chinese herbs, too, and I promise that I will start, but they smell foul and I fear they will taste even worse. However, I can't really chalk this up as 'giving it my all' if I'm afraid of some tiny herbs . . . . I suggest you get yourself to Selby Acupuncture and experience this for yourself. I will start the herbs today, I promise.

I also decided to become more active in my community, and I was recently sworn in as a committee member on our local human services fund committee. This committee plans and holds fundraisers and events to raise money to meet human service needs in our community. Last weekend was "Run the Valley" which is one of our largest fundraising events and I was lucky enough to be able to volunteer here. You can see the highlights here, which include some unflattering shots of me in no makeup with a baseball cap on. Because that is how I roll in my community, people.

A few other notable news items include 109 days of successful food tracking on MyFitnessPal. I also log my exercise and my weight, and I have finally turned a corner. Since January, I've lost just about six pounds and I am just about six pounds away from my goal weight. With mindful eating, diligent tracking, and exercise, I am confident I can be my healthiest and best self. Although I have completed my Thrive Eight Week ExperienceI'm still "thriving" and I do find that these products are helping me in my quest to be active, energetic, and healthy. They aren't miracles the way some of the promoters want you to believe, but in my experience, they are a helpful part of my total regimen and I'll keep using them until I feel otherwise.

With each day that goes by, I remind myself of my anthem (it's posted in my cube at work) and I know that incremental progress is underway. Sometimes the pace of personal change feels glacial in the moment – but when I look back at where I was just 108 days ago, I can see how far I've come on my journey already. Pretty sure the best is yet to come!

© 2015 Princess D

 

The Beast on my Payroll

Although I like to think I'm all-around awesome at life, you only have to watch me attempt to perform simple tasks to realize that it's my genius and innovative outsourcing strategy that allows me to masquerade as a functional adult. For example, I'm a terrible and lazy cook. Left to my own devices, I'd subsist on the "all cereal and Lean Cuisine, all the time" diet. When my husband and I first started dating, he opened my refrigerator and was appalled to discover that it contained some aging condiments, a hunk of cheese, a takeout container, and bunch of beer. (Looking in the freezer didn't help the situation – there, he discovered my ice cube collection, some Klondike bars, and my Lean Cuisine stash.)  When we got married, I carefully negotiated the cooking situation and explained his options. He could take over the kitchen situation; we could eat out every day; or we could outsource meal preparation. That, my friends, is how Let's Dish became an integral part of how we eat in this house. We use the "dish and dash" option and have, in essence, outsourced our dinner preparation. While my hubby is actually pretty clever in the kitchen, even he appreciates the efficiency of this option. (If you're not a current Let's Dish customer, email me for a referral to save $ on your first visit!)

Other things I suck at include shopping and dressing myself. If it was up to me, we'd all look like those people of Walmart, wearing pajama pants and slippers all day long. True confession – even my pajamas don't match. I just grab things that look comfy and put them together. I have a closet full of clothes, yes, but without the help of pictures and a personal shopper, I'd be a full on fashion disaster. You can't blame my shopper for my current horrible outfits either – it's not her fault that my weight fluctuates or that my feet hurt or that I hate all my shoes or that I don't feel like shaving my legs.

Since I can't cook, eat, or dress myself without professional assistance, it's no surprise that I'm also a disaster from a physical fitness perspective. My grade school gym teacher was a short, rotund man who hardly role-modeled fitness for us. Instead, he represented the worst hour of every day for me. I actually would not enjoy having my peers pelt me with projectiles that I'm intended to dodge, thank you very much. I lack the coordination to jump rope or turn a cartwheel, and I'm too lazy to run unless being chased by wolves or serial killers. My remedial physical fitness competence is at odds with my desire to not be fat – a bigger risk now that I'm no longer existing on Lean Cuisines. When I decided to make health and fitness a priority, I knew I couldn't do it alone. Scratch that . . . I knew I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I embraced my outsourcing strategy and I hired a personal trainer. Technically, I hired several because they kept losing their minds and quitting on me – but that was more likely due to the cut-rate gym I joined.

After losing my 4^th personal trainer, a considerable amount of my disposable income, and any hope of getting my ass in shape, I stumbled upon Big Bad Trainer Aaron. I'd seen him around my bargain basement gym – he's hard to miss – but just the sight of him terrified me. He may be four inches shorter than I am, but he doesn't have an ounce of fat on his body and he is HUGE. Like, terrifyingly huge. I assumed he was a scary beast who looked down on the rest of us chubby peons and who probably never succumbed to the swan song of a doughnut. I was breaking in my 5^th personal trainer, who was shaming me for eating an apple fritter, when Trainer Aaron magically appeared and engaged me in a discussion about the merits of Target brand apple fritters. I fired trainer #5 and began working with Big Bad Trainer Aaron right away.

He's been my trainer for a little over a year now – and yes, I am in better shape than I imagined possible. But what's amazing about Aaron is not just his physique (which is pretty damn amazing) – it's his passion and his commitment. Coupled with his humility, his kindness, and his intellect – he's pretty inspiring. You might look at him and think he's just another meathead. And you would be so very wrong. I'd love to tell you his story, but his sister beat me to it – and she did a better job than I ever could. I encourage you to check it out, and side note: if you are looking for a great book to read, check out Rebecca Kanner's novel, Sinners and the Sea.


While I'm struggling to embrace and achieve my anthem – give up, give in, or give it all you've got – I am truly lucky to have Trainer Aaron as my role model. He lives his life by this creed – probably unintentionally – and his example motivates me on those days when I want to give it all up altogether. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this video is priceless.

While I haven't won any bodybuilding contests, I'm sticking to my guns and I'd like to think I'm doing a pretty good job of knowing when to give up, when to give in, and when to give it all I've got. Here's my progress report:

Give Up: I haven't given up much lately . . . which might be a good thing. With my handy outsourcing strategy, I gave up housecleaning and had a professional come in and polish the palace. It was worth every penny, and although it wouldn't kill me to run the Dyson over these hairy floors, the house is still fairly clean even two plus weeks after the cleaner left.

I've also been trying to give up my nighttime snacking habit. This has been only marginally successful because I love snacks. A lot. Rather than give up snacking entirely, I've been replacing my naughty snacks with more healthy options, like fresh fruit.

Give In: I finally made and kept a dentist appointment to get my teeth cleaned. Given the amount of anxiety this caused me, I had to take an entire afternoon off work, lest I go completely postal. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that although I might want to take up more regular flossing (I am a sporadic flosser. Sue me), my teeth had a clean bill of health. I would like to thank my Phillips Sonicare toothbrush for contributing to this successful visit. As some of you know, I am not a model dental patient and I frequently bite the hand that cleans my teeth. I'm not a fan of my current dentist, as she often drops dental instruments (which are sharp, pointy, and dangerous) on me while working on my teeth. She also is partially responsible for the emergency dental surgery that left a gaping hole in my face a couple of years ago, While cleaning my teeth, my very kind and gentle hygienist, who was filling in but who normally works with another dentist in the practice, suggested I switch dentists . . . so I did. Wait – does that count as giving up or giving in?

Giving It All I've Got: I'm sure there are more things I could list, but rather than a full essay, I'm going to give you the headlines and highlights. Here they are:

• 96 day streak on MyFitnessPal! Mindful eating more often than not . . . it's a good thing. Friend me (dlamere2) on MyFitnessPal and I promise, you'll feel better about yourself. I've been known to call wine and M&M's a meal.
• Stepped on the scale today and it's a pseudo-success story. I've lost over half a pound since my last weigh-in a couple of weeks ago (yay) but I'm still a couple of pounds heavier than I was six months ago, and more importantly, I'm about 10 (well, 9.4 if I use today's weigh in) pounds from my goal. This is progress, though, and progress is a darned good thing so I'm chalking this up as a win!
• Although my cuticles have looked better, hooray for me to conquer my nail-biting habit! It's been almost 100 days since I've chewed a fingernail.
• Worked out five of the last seven days and made sure I got my strength training and my cardio complete, so I'm not shoulding all over myself but instead, I'm getting it done.

Bottom line – life is good and I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who inspire me to be my best. That's the essence of giving it my all. Happy Easter!

© 2015 Princess D