Whether or not resolutions are doomed to fail depends on your point of view, and I would argue that no attempts at self-improvement should be painted with such a negative brush. My personal track record reflects a reality many experience – we're great at making resolutions but we falter in the execution. Every January, I'd create a list that rivaled Martin Luther's 95 theses in aspiration and scope. (Note – I'm not intending to be sacrilegious so if this offends you, simply pray for my salvation. Don't email me threatening hell and Old Testament justice. Please and thanks.) Once I'd committed my list of resolutions to paper, I'd begin shoulding on myself – and every time I failed to achieve one of the unattainable goals I'd set for myself, the cycle of shame began. Perhaps you're familiar with this tune? It goes a little something like this:
Voice in my head: "You should go to the gym and exercise. You should. You should do it every single day." Of course, the voice in my head is a great talker but a shitty listener – and is so busy shoulding on me and shaming me that it doesn't recognize all the other competing voices, telling me I should go to work and not get fired; I should pay the bills; I should walk the dog; I should shovel the snow; etc. And, after I spend an entire day trying to stay one step ahead of all the shoulds, I run out of time or energy to go to the gym and exercise. Cue the second verse – a little bit louder and a whole lot worse than the first – when the voice in my head starts in with: "You SHOULD have gone to the gym. Why didn't you? You must the fattest, laziest, stupidest person on the planet. Could you be more selfish and disgusting? How hard is it to go exercise? Other people do it all the time. What is wrong with you? Epic fail. EPIC. FAIL."
By 2015, I was tired of hearing that same old tune, and I decided to change the channel. Instead of shoulding all over myself, I'd eschew resolutions and I'd try a new tactic. I adopted an anthem and started an experiment. What might happen if I decided to focus on creating my best life instead of spending my time trying to fix my "broken" parts? What if I stopped shoulding on myself and starting "coulding" instead? Would I sing a different tune or would I fall back in to the same pattern?
My anthem is pretty simple – but it's more than just a pretty slogan that someone crafty might embroider onto a pillow. It's a mental model and it's become the framework I use to make decisions in my own life. Do I have a perfect track record? Of course not. But what I've learned is that if you focus on progress instead of perfection, you'll exceed your own expectations.
Speaking of progress, here's the latest report from the field:
Give Up: After an estimated 108 days, I've given up on all the easy stuff and it's harder and harder to identify areas where "give up" is the right response for me. After I gave up on the idea that perfection was my goal and after I gave up shoulding all over myself, everything else pales in comparison. I still suffer from negative self-talk and I still should on myself more often than not – so the challenge is not to give up in more areas of my life but rather, to stay the course on the big things I decided to give up when I embraced this anthem.
Give In: I know a lot of people whose vision of the good life includes a big, beautiful home; the right luxury automobile; a closet full of designer clothes; and lots of blingy accessories made by Rolex and Tiffany and Cartier. As Sheryl Crow says, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" so I don't judge. But I'm different. I don't want a big house that I can't live in. I like having dog and cat hair all over everything and I like that my house feels lived in. Yes, I do have a cat condo in my living room – and I'm not ashamed. (I don't love the floor to ceiling mirror situation that makes our living room look like a 1970's porn set, but it's not annoying enough to take action against.) I don't want a car so fancy I can't figure out how to drive it or that cost me so much money that I'm terrified of scratching it. I'm a terrible driver. I will smash it. I don't understand the point of jewelry – it gets in the way and it doesn't cover your kibbles and bits.
It's easy to look around at other people and think, "if they want this, shouldn't I?" Sometimes, when I visit my friends' or colleagues homes, I feel like an imposter and I wonder if I should get my ass to Ethan Allen immediately to remedy the situation. But I've given up on trying to keep up with the Kardashians, the Joneses, and anyone else. If a pile of dirty laundry threatening to escape the confines of the closet offends you, that's okay. You don't have to live like I do. I display Sesame Street figurines in my dining room. And if you think this is tacky, I don't give a flying fig newton.
Give It All I've Got: One of the things I'm embracing is trying new things – and when I do, I give it my all. I recently had the opportunity to try acupuncture for the first time. I've always been curious about Chinese medicine and when I discovered that a college friend runs an acupuncture clinic, I had to check it out. My college friend, Julie, has always inspired me. I had a" girl crush" on her from the first time I saw her on campus with her sassy blonde bob and her badass black leather jacket. She is effortlessly stylish and unapologetically her own person.
I saw her for the first time in maybe 20 years this week – and she is as sweet, tough, and cool as ever. After catching up on life and giving me a quick tutorial on Chinese medicine, she stabbed me with needles. It was a really powerful experience. After she carefully placed the needles (which did not hurt at all, FYI), she left me to relax for 20 minutes. I felt both relaxed and energized. My limbs tingled and when I left, I felt both euphoric and more calm and peaceful than I can remember. My specific "complaint" was excessive fatigue. One appointment didn't turn me into superwoman, but it I do feel different and I will be back. I'm supposed to be taking some Chinese herbs, too, and I promise that I will start, but they smell foul and I fear they will taste even worse. However, I can't really chalk this up as 'giving it my all' if I'm afraid of some tiny herbs . . . . I suggest you get yourself to Selby Acupuncture and experience this for yourself. I will start the herbs today, I promise.
I also decided to become more active in my community, and I was recently sworn in as a committee member on our local human services fund committee. This committee plans and holds fundraisers and events to raise money to meet human service needs in our community. Last weekend was "Run the Valley" which is one of our largest fundraising events and I was lucky enough to be able to volunteer here. You can see the highlights here, which include some unflattering shots of me in no makeup with a baseball cap on. Because that is how I roll in my community, people.
A few other notable news items include 109 days of successful food tracking on MyFitnessPal. I also log my exercise and my weight, and I have finally turned a corner. Since January, I've lost just about six pounds and I am just about six pounds away from my goal weight. With mindful eating, diligent tracking, and exercise, I am confident I can be my healthiest and best self. Although I have completed my Thrive Eight Week ExperienceI'm still "thriving" and I do find that these products are helping me in my quest to be active, energetic, and healthy. They aren't miracles the way some of the promoters want you to believe, but in my experience, they are a helpful part of my total regimen and I'll keep using them until I feel otherwise.
With each day that goes by, I remind myself of my anthem (it's posted in my cube at work) and I know that incremental progress is underway. Sometimes the pace of personal change feels glacial in the moment – but when I look back at where I was just 108 days ago, I can see how far I've come on my journey already. Pretty sure the best is yet to come!
© 2015 Princess D
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