By eschewing the standard New Year's resolution process, waiting for inspiration to hit in the form of not one but two friend-recommended blogs, and adopting an anthem for 2015, I managed to do what I do best; procrastinate. Regardless, I was feeling pretty motivated to fulfill my "give up, give in, or give it your all" mantra and I knew that one of the most important steps I needed to take was to stop shoulding all over myself.
For those of you who are perhaps not familiar with the concept of "shoulding" all over yourself, let me first congratulate you on achieving a level of self-actualization I merely aspire to. Let me also help shed some light on what the hell I'm talking about by providing you a definition. Psychologist Clayton Barbeau coined the phrase "shoulding yourself" to describe the cognitive distortion that people experience when they tell themselves they have an obligation to do something different from what they are actually doing. (Another psychologist – clearly Freudian, if you want my opinion – terms this "musterbation". Thanks, Albert Ellis. While a clever turn of phrase, it also sounds very dirty and we shall refrain from such talk around here.) If you, like me, spend all day, every day telling yourself what you "should" do – and if you've forgotten what you even want anymore – you're probably shoulding all over yourself. Whatever the specific shoulds are on your unique list, they almost always add up to the same should. You should be better than you are. Peel that onion and you'll realize that what all those shoulds are really telling you is that, as you are, you aren't good enough.
A lifetime of shoulding is a hard habit to break. My brain starts shoulding even before my eyes fully open in the morning, and by the time my feet hit the floor, I'm already carrying a list of at least five shoulds with me to the bathroom. Since shoulding is as innate as breathing, I know I won't be able to stop shoulding cold turkey. In fact, there is some value in my shoulding as it ensures that I do things like pay my bills; file my income taxes before April 15; and shower on a semi-regular basis. (True confession: I probably could and should shower more. But who has the time and energy for that?)
Since I can't seem to turn off the shoulding, I decided to take a different approach. Why not subject my should list to the three choices I've adopted as my annual anthem? For each item on my should list, I'll make a choice. I'll consciously decide to give up, give in, or give it my all. Whether or not this will ultimately prove to be a successful strategy remains to be seen. But 72 hours into my new and improved 2015, here are some preliminary results:
Give In
Those bills piling up in the kitchen weren't going to pay themselves, so I decided to give in and tackle that unpleasant task. In doing so, I found a check for $567 that needed to be deposited into my bank account, which was a pleasant surprise and an opportunity to try out the mobile deposit feature on my new Wings Financial app.
I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher on multiple occasions, and I de-cluttered and sanitized the kitchen counters.
I returned phone calls to everyone in my personal life who'd left a message in the past 72 hours, which may not seem like a big deal but as a massive introvert, sometimes I just want to retreat to the cone of silence and do nothing but listen to my cat purr.
I had a half-full bottle of red wine in the kitchen, and I gave in and polished it off, single glass at a time, over the course of the last three days.
And I took my vitamin D.
Guess what? Those marketing geniuses at Nike were right about "Just Do It." By giving in and just doing these little shoulds instead of obsessing over them, I can check them off my list and I feel pretty good that they're done. So – giving in ain't all bad. Who knew?
Give It My All
I have religiously tracked every morsel that has passed these lips in MyFitnessPal since January 2nd. While a three day logging streak is hardly cause for fireworks and a parade, instead of wishing I had tracked my food or thinking, "Geesh – I really should have tracked my food," I'm making it a priority and I am getting it done. Spoiler alert: I've been under my daily calorie goal every single day!
Yes, my health is very important to me, but I am also quite shallow and vain. I don't just want to feel good, darn it . . . I want to look good! And at my advanced age, that means exercise. I recently read an article suggesting that people in my demographic should (there's that word again!) commit to at least 150 minutes of cardio each week. I've been doing closer to 15 minutes of cardio each week, so I clearly have room for improvement and an opportunity to give it my all. While I didn't reach the recommended 150 minutes of cardio, I'm proud to report that I clocked 128 minutes of cardio this week. I should also point out that I had to compete with New Year's resolutioners for cardio equipment at my cut-rate, bargain basement gym, which required me to demonstrate both cardio endurance and supreme patience.
I even ate a big salad for dinner last night. With lots of leafy green vegetables.
I'm also giving journaling my all, which is new for me. Writing is both a hobby and a form of therapy for me, and yet in the past year, I haven't written anything other than memos, emails, and big fat checks. I know there will be days when I'm too busy or too tired to document my journey, but I love the idea of a daily (or at least, regularly recurring) habit of writing. So far, I'm enjoying the writing process as much as I'm enjoying this little social science experiment I've undertaken.
Give Up
I gave up on a load of laundry that made it from the washer to the dryer, where it continues to sit. My husband likes to remind me that the dryer is not, in fact, a clothing storage device. I disagree. I could get up, go downstairs, and fold the laundry but honestly, I don't feel like it and so I am intentionally giving up. Notice how I said that I could get up, not that I should. I think I'm making progress!
I went to the gym today for a cardio workout. I hopped onto an elliptical machine, hit quick start, and began shaking my money maker. Although I swear I was moving as fast as my legs could, the elliptical went into "pause" mode after about 30 seconds. I hit reset and tried again. Same result. Third time? Not the charm either. At this point, I was beyond irritated. I already wasn't really in the mood to give it my all anyway, and the elliptical machine was conspiring against me. Since there was nary an elliptical machine or treadmill available for use, I jumped on a recumbent bike where I painfully eked out 37 minutes of cardio. Every second was pure agony and I could not stop staring at the clock. While my goal was to go for 45 minutes, at minute 37 I noticed that I'd burned about 300 calories, gave up, and didn't look back.
While I'm still tempted to should all over myself – and while I'm still carrying around a wagon full of shoulds everywhere I go – I'm pleased to note that reframing my decisions as choices and intentionally choosing to give up, give in, or give it my all is making a positive difference. Mind you, it's only been about 72 hours so only time will tell.
© 2015 Princess D
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