Extra Cheese

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you are lactose intolerant or triteness causes allergic outbreaks, I urge you to flee this scene as quickly as your legs can take you – because it's about to get real cheesy up in here. The road to hell is paved with my good intentions – although, given the current polar vortex weather conditions, spending the afterlife in a really, really hot place doesn't sound half bad.  But I digress.  As I find myself again sitting in an airport (this time, heading home), I have the time to reflect on my week, and as I have done every single day lo this shiny new year, I'm wondering how much I've should on myself.

I have some good news and I have some bad news.  While I'm not shoulding my pants or anything, it was hard to rock the "give up, give in, give it all I've got" anthem on my business trip this week. And in retrospect, I'm afraid that I gave in when I should have given up and gave up when I should have given it my all, so that rotten voice in my head that likes to should all over the place is writhing with joy in the piles of guilt and shame.

If you've ever had the pleasure of attending a business strategy session, what I'm about to describe is going to sound familiar.  You know the routine.  You receive the invitation to the two day meeting.  You book your travel when you realize it's not in your hometown. Someone creates a PowerPoint template for the meeting.  You're given a 45 minute time slot to read your PowerPoint slides out loud to a group of people who are too busy mentally rehearsing their own presentations to listen to you – and even if they weren't, no one really cares about what you have to say except for that one guy who likes to ask really hard questions and make you look stupid. You're trapped in a room that is either too warm or too cold for a full day.  Meals, beverages, and snacks are provided because we all know that low blood sugar is the leading cause of workplace violence, and that many senior executives in a room is already a health hazard. Breakfast consists of boxed coffee, bagels, muffins, and assorted danishes.  If you're really lucky, some anemic-looking fruit might make a cameo appearance.  A box lunch, complete with cookies, chips, and an apple will be provided at some point, making the room stink like ego and onions.  If your meeting planner is gold standard, alternating salty and sweet snacks will appear at regular intervals.  In many cases, you shovel food into your face not because you're hungry but so:

A.      Your mouth is full and therefore, you are not forced to speak with others.  You're an introvert, remember?

B.      You have an excuse to stand up since your ass is falling asleep from all the sitting.  Also, you're pretty sure you can feel your hips expanding real time.

C.      In a desperate attempt to alleviate your boredom, you think that the act of chewing will take your mind off bribing someone to call in a bomb threat so you can escape the meeting

I swore to myself that this time would be different. And, in many ways, it was – yet, when I look at MyFitnessPal's diary entries from the city of brotherly love, I cannot help but feel disappointed in myself. Here's what went down:

Give Up 

Because I knew I wouldn't have time to get my sweat on (unless you count sitting in sauna-like heat in a meeting room as exercise), I gave up on the idea of exercise while on my business trip and instead focused my energy on making sure I logged every morsel that passed my lips. See also: "All I've Got, Giving.
I also gave up on eating everything that was put in front of me . . . for example, I declined the tasty looking appetizers at dinner and I also opted for coffee instead of dessert. I removed the chips and cookie from my box lunch before I started eating it so I would not mindlessly shovel salt, fat, and grease in my pie hole.

Give In
I'm always secretly hoping for an easier way to reach my goals. I believe in silver bullets, in purple unicorns, and in a world where I can lose weight in my sleep. I also am a sucker for someone who sets a goal and needs some help reaching it. When these converge, it usually means that I find myself sucked into some friend or acquaintances' pyramid marketing scheme. This time is no different, and I found myself signing up for the Thrive eight week experience, which involves purchasing and then ingesting vitamins, a protein shake, and slapping a patch on my arm that provides time-released vitamin and minerals to my body. Or something.

I'm a natural skeptic, but . . . I'm a few days into my eight week experience and I have to tell you . . . I feel pretty good. Whether it's a by-product of the pyramid marketing scheme or a placebo effect remains to be seen, but I do notice that I'm a little more zesty and energetic these days. Stay tuned for more updates as I continue this journey. Wouldn't it be great if I could lose weight while I sleep?

Giving It All I've Got
I religiously logged all my food in MyFitnessPal. Because I committed to doing this, I was much more intentional about my eating and drinking. In spite of that, there was an incident with an apple-cinnamon muffin that had a shocking 450 calories and 50 grams of sugar (!) and yes, I did have a tiny bite of dessert and some wine. Needless to say, I went WAY over my daily calorie goal – and seeing it in black and white was kind of shocking. I still count this as a win, though, because I didn't do what I've done in the past, which is to abandon MyFitnessPal the second I fall off the wagon. I ate the damn muffin, I logged it, and life goes on. So yes, I am giving MyFitnessPal all I've got.

The second area where I'm giving it all I've got is in documenting my journey in this virtual journal. Writing is therapeutic for me and I should find time to do it more frequently. There I go, shoulding all over myself again. Reflecting on my experience and then writing it down helps me keep it real. I'm going to keep on keeping on with it.